Say What?

Once upon a time, I had a mission companion that gave me one of the best gifts ever! She taught me the value of writing down the awesome things that other people say! For the last year or so, I've been more active with this and I love the flood of memories that each quote brings. Some are funny, some are inspiring and some just sound cool.

So, for your enjoyment (or confusion) here are some of my favorite quotes.

• "When Stalking pays off, it's totally fine." - Kenady
• "You do desperate really well!" - Laura*
• "You guys are out there saving lives and saving hearts." - Scottie
• "Guys are so lucky with their short hair. And I wake up and I'm like: I can't salvage that!" - Haley
• "You're Doin' It!" - Anasazi people
• "In the midst of all storms there can be happiness." - Brother Coates (an ASU ward) (I LOVE storms!!)
• "Father, you've given me this missionary experience. Please help me to not screw it up!" -from a comment in Sunday School
• "I'm not a fan of school, but I enjoy learning." - Sheldon
• "You're a pretty good fuzzy-headed guy." - Brett*
• "Why have fish, when you have me?!" - Nicole R.
• "I don't want to say it like this, but I'll say it like this. You're really weird!" - Steph Steph*
• "Sometimes life gets REAL!" -April
• "You will never regret following the SacredWind, but you will always regret NOT following it." -BrightOwl (Jeremy)
• "Trust is not a prerequisite. It's an outcome." -Beyond Right And Wrong
• "I'm the cutest human." -Lyssa
• "All good things end with kissing." -Lindsay
• "Nah, you've got cool stuff. You've got yourself!" -April
• "What better thing can you do, than to honor a person for the good that they do in their life." YellowWolf (Larry O.)
• "I've got four jelly beans, and there are four of us. Whadda ya say we party?!!" -Jeremy
• "I think every boy should jump at the chance to hang out with you!" -Angela
• "I like white chocolate the best." - Amy
  "What?! That's not even real! It's a byproduct!" - Me
  "Well, I like byproducts! I'm a byproduct of my parents. Happiness is a byproduct of service." - Amy
  "You're justifying now. Do you know what justification leads to?" - Me
  "Byproducts?!" - Amy
• "Everyday you should be grateful that you're a member of this church and everyday you should share that with someone." -Michelle M. 
• "Can you get expelled for snuggling?" -Chelsey R

*The "you"s are almost always referring to me...

Lover AND Fighter

My first day at ANASAZI, I learned about the symbols we call the "Heart At War" and "Heart At Peace".

I have learned several things about these two images, but the thing that keeps coming back to me recently is the role of the arrows. When you're at war with someone, you have your weapons pointed at them. However, when you're at peace with someone, you turn your arrows outward and they become the person you are now defending.

Working with YoungWalkers I had the opportunity of seeing a lot of war turn to peace and I learned a beautiful fact, the YoungWalkers never wanted to fight their parents, any more than the parents wanted to be fighting. With all the obstacles in the wilderness of the world we find ourselves endless cycles of fight or flight and too often it's the people that mean the most to us that we turn our Arrows on.

But the truth is, we all just want someone who has our backs. We want someone who will fight FOR us. We are all seeking someone to love, trust and fight alongside. And we all want to know that we are worth fighting for. In this world that seeks to tear us down with it's messages that we are not smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough or worthwhile, we hunger for someone who will tell us that we are. We want to surround ourselves with people that prove to us through their actions that we are worthy of love, that we are worthy of their time and effort and that we are worth defending.

We all want to be fought for and know that we are not alone in this battle. So what do we have in our lives? Is it keeping us from fighting for the things the really matter and the people that deserve our hearts? What do we really want and are we willing to fight with all of our hearts for it?

When you love something or someone you fight FOR it. You throw all your energy into it. Peace comes from giving your all in defending something important. I'm a fighter because I love deeply. I love life. I love dreaming big. I love seeking growth. I am willing to defend the things that make up my core. I will defend those that are important to me. And I won't back down until the battle is over.

Recent Adventures

I thought I'd take a break from thinking and share a few of my recent adventures. These last couple months have been too much fun.

#1 - Grand Canyon with Kalia - Back in March, Kalia surprised me by visiting my state one weekend. So I drove up to Grand Canyon and we had a blast. We got to see the main views, watch a cool Imax movie on the history of it (yes, I'm still a history lover) and even got...

...A HELICOPTER RIDE OVER THE CANYON!! Needless to say, it was amazing!

#2 - General Conference - I haven't been able to attend conference (or my mission reunions) for a couple years so it was fun to get up there and it was great getting to spend some time with Mom, Dad and Emma before they move East.

And, after much hunting, I found Sister Turro! (She was the only Young Woman in my first area on my mission and now she's serving on Temple Square)

#3 - Apache Lake - my friend, Lara, introduced me to this fun little place on a day of random adventure-wandering. 

I love adventures with no specific plan! Yes, we did
just jump in the water fully clothed and it felt great!

So when my friends, Laura and Lyssa came to visit and wanted to beat the Arizona heat I got to go back to Apache Lake. The water was a bit too cold and the air too windy to enjoy much swimming, but we had a fun time enjoying the sunshine together.

The Beach, a guitar and good friends = the life!

#4 - Finishing on the Trail - I knew that my time on the trail was coming to an end so for one last request, I asked my boss if I could walk with Brett (who was also finishing his time on the trail before leaving for study abroad).

It was one of the hardest, yet best weeks of my life. Seeing my brother as the awesome TrailWalker that he is was so rewarding. Even though he's my younger brother, I look up to him in every way!

Some other "family" joined the pic as well-Andy (left) and Nicole (right)!

Although leaving the trail has been hard, I know the Creator is guiding my walking and has good things in store for me. He's never given me anything but goodness before.

#5 - Zion - Sometimes I can get several of my friends from different circles together and we have a blast. This weekend involved a freezing, yet beautiful hike up the Narrows, an early morning climb up to Angels Landing and lots of laughter and good times. It was great to get away for a few days, unwind, and adventure!

The view on top of Angels' Landing

My life is full of great people and fun times. To everyone that I call friend: thanks for being amazing and letting me into your lives. You're all so great!!

What do I really want? (part-2)

As I've been making plans for the future and praying about where I should be and what I should be doing I keep running into roadblocks. There are so many places that I would love to go and so many options of what I could be doing. Yet, everywhere that I consider I receive a "No" from the Lord. As I mourned the loss of another possibility I thought to myself, "Why can't I just do what I want?!"

Instantly I was reminded of this concept concerning what I really want . In Church a week or so ago, a new girl in my ward made a profound statement in her introduction: "I really just want to please Heavenly Father." What a beautiful purpose! As I sat in that chapel I prayed that that would be my goal as well. I realized all that I really want is to please Father. I said I was willing to do whatever is necessary to please him and do his will.

At first this seemed like a daunting thing to ask/promise. I have some trust issues and trusting the Lord with my everything is a little scary. And harder still: trusting myself. I don't know that I trust myself enough to follow God's plan well. But I want to want this, and thanks to my friend Alma, I know that's possible. "Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, (it doesn't have to be anything big or dominating, but a start as simple as a little seed) behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts." (Alma 32:28)

So, now that I know what I want to want (to please Heavenly Father) the next question to process is: how much do I really want it?

What do I really want?

In my time on the trail I have had the opportunity of seeing many YoungWalkers in their first days on the trail. It's interesting their attitudes as they begin their walking. Many of them did not seek this experience, and they spend most of their time anticipating the how wonderful things will be when they return home and can enjoy all the foods they craved on the trail.

Occasionally, however, you get that one YoungWalker. They don't want to change, but they want to want it. You can see it in their eyes and feel it from their hearts. They aren't ready to let go of the things that are holding them back, but they are beginning to see what their future could look like and their hearts begin to turn toward the light.

Pondering on this process in YoungWalkers has led me to wonder where I am in the process. Do I want goodness, or do I simply want to want it?

Sure, I've had those moments after General Conference, or when I got home from my mission, when my desires were right in line with the people of King Mosiah when they said: "The Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually."

But on a day to day basis, what do I really want? What are the sincere desires of my heart?