One of THOSE Weeks

Every week on the trail is an adventure but some weeks give you more obstacles than others. This last week on the trail we had to complete the longest hike at Anasazi. Usually we hike Thur, Fri, Sat, rest Sun then hike into Final D sometime on Monday. This last week was up early and hike everyday (Thur-Mon) until we ran out of sunlight, and get into Final D Mon afternoon. In addition, we had two SinaguaWalkers who were on their RabbitStick (meaning they still had to learn and pass off all the basic skills) while making this long trek. And because they were at the beginning of their time, they didn't hike very well, so it was a pretty long, drawn out hike. And that was just the physical aspect.

Emotionally, these kids were both pretty messed up. They had dealt with drug addictions for several years and neither was really sure they wanted to turn their lives around. They came because this seemed like a better rehab option than other programs.

Wednesday was the hardest day of the week. Throughout the hiking they had begun to come around and were seeing the reasons to change and make their lives better. They would say things like, "After this I only want to walk forward." or "It feels really good to see this [the epic view from the top of a mountain we just climbed]. Like, it kinda feels better than doing drugs." Then on Wednesday, I couldn't handle listening to their "dumb-talking" anymore. It's not forwards-talking, but it's not backwards-talking, it's just a waste. They spent almost the entire week talking about movies and music that do not fit what I would call tasteful, so I had nothing to say about them and after a week of it I was done. Then, one of them started talking about going home. All she wanted was to go home and go to another program (*she has a tendency to start programs but not finish them). I had a sitting with her and tried to help her see how much she needed this program and that it wasn't logical to leave at this point, but she wasn't listening. She didn't want to hear reason or anything else, she just wanted to leave. After working on her almost all day (I sat with her, the WindWalker sat with her and a GhostWalker came into the band) she was coming around to the idea that she would stay and finish; "I'm going to request to walk with you at the end of my time so you can see how far I've come."

So, the week ended on a better note, but I was emotionally exhausted and ready for a break. Not to mention, I was ready to spend a few days being warm. It's getting cold up there!

Sometimes you get to go on secret missions to help Ridge with another band and you can take sweet pics like this one!

Oh Life

How does it get away from you so easily?! I get off the trail with every intention of updating this and the next thing I know, it's been two weeks and I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off and I'm preparing to go out on the trail again tomorrow.

Highlights of the last two weeks:

• Seeing a great YoungWalker come off the trail. I helped her at the office on her first day in the program and seeing her on her first and last was fun for me.
• One of my absolute favorite YoungWalkers came to Mesa and I was able to spend some time with her. Seeing how well she's doing and that she's continuing to walk forward is payday for a TrailWalker. Witnessing that they not only did well on the trail but are still going strong and growing stronger is golden!
• Driving to Idaho wasn't really a highlight (although I do enjoy roadtrips, they are more fun with other people) but I was able to see some of my favorite people along the way and that's what it's all about. I would travel the world for some of these people that mean so much to me.
• Helped mom get the house ready to sell and move. The moving idea is a little sad. Even though I don't live there anymore, it's strange to think of my parents living somewhere else or celebrating Christmas and special events in a different house. But I am glad I was able to help my family out in this rather stressful period of transition.
• I also changed rotations, which is a big deal at Anasazi. You have a certain belonging place and fit into your rotation so to change is a big deal and a little unsettling to be honest. But I felt good about the change and I think some great opportunities will come from it. Plus, it means I get to go out on the trail again tomorrow. It's funny how much I miss it when I'm not out there. During my training, back in May, I was talking to another trainee about how strange it was that we felt so comfortable out there. A trail-veteran overheard and commented that one day we would find that we are more comfortable on the trail than we were in the "wilderness of the world". Today, as I told my roommate how excited I am to get back on the trail, I remembered those words and realized it's true. I'm in my element out there and feel like my most real self. I miss it when I'm off the trail.

So, tomorrow morning - here we go again. Adventure is out there and we are going to find it and grow from it!

Walk forward everyone. It's so worth it!

Oh Boy!

Actually there were 7! SEVEN BOYS in our band! Oh what a handful. I don't know what I would do if the Lord needed me to be a mom to 7 boys. On the one hand it would be a riot, on the other hand, I would go crazy!

The whole time I was on vacation, I had been praying to be in Girls' Band when I got back on the trail, but I found out the day before we went out that the girl that I was really hoping to walk with had finished and was going home. I was sad to know that I wouldn't be able to walk with her again but it took off some of the pressure to be in girls band before she left.* So, Wednesday morning, when I found out that I would be in Boys Band it wasn't as hard to swallow. That is, until I realized something...I'd never been in Boys' Band before and I wasn't sure I could handle it!

When we got to the band, it took some getting used to. Talking with 17 year old boys is hard. I don't know enough about their sports, music, shows, etc to really carry on a conversation about them and I don't know what else boys do in high school other than talk about girls, but that doesn't really work out in the wilderness either. And SEVEN! That's the biggest band I've dealt with and it's just hard to keep track of them all. I guess, I should be used to it since EFY was between 10 and 40, but to really help each of them walk forward takes a lot of time and attention and that's hard for 3 TWs to do for 7 boys in 8 days. 

Then, add on top of all that, the fact that one of the boys started plummeting. He was struggling a bit when we got there (he didn't eat anything Wednesday night, then threw up Thursday morning) but he has a tendency of trying to manipulate the situation like that and test out the new TWs so we got through that and hiked on Thursday. But as we hiked, we discovered a couple things. 1 - he is an INCREDIBLY slow hiker. I've never seen anyone move so slowly or so uncoordinated on boulder fields as he was, and he's been here several weeks. And 2 -  he was having some major mental struggles that were keeping him from really walking forward. 

What did all that mean? It meant that we laid-over (didn't hike) on Friday and Saturday, we never left camp before 11 am, and we only hiked about 2.5 miles in a week! It also meant that we, as a band, had the opportunity to learn great patience and compassion. It meant that all of the boys had to learn to reach outside themselves and find the good in their fellow YoungWalker. It meant that we needed to learn how to empower without enabling. (I'm going to have to do a separate entry on "enabling". It's something I am learning a lot about and I don't particularly like the connotation we have given it.)

This was a very trying week. We pulled our hair out trying to figure out how to get through to this kid and help him see just how great he is, but it's hard to help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. I was reminded again and again of my mission and those moments when trying to help someone who is being illogical/impossible. I haven't prayed that hard for discernment and charity in a long time. The most interesting thing though, is the fact that this is probably one of the weeks that I will refer to most as I look back on my walking and the experiences that have helped me grow. 

I love each of those boys. I am so grateful that I was able to walk with them and learn from them and I can't wait to see the forwards walking that they do as they finish at Anasazi and reenter the wilderness of the world. I was relieved to leave the trail yesterday. But, as always, there's a part of my heart out there, seeking to gather from the sky and the paths of the creator and waiting for me to return to my people, the people of the trail, those who Walk In We.

Walking home at the end of a long, crazy week.

*Although I didn't realize how much I would miss the other girls in the Girls' Band, I know all of them right now and adore them each in a way. I found out today that they requested to walk with me this week - even though I'm not on the trail, it melted my heart to know that they liked me enough to want to walk with me again. And one of my favorites is Dawnstar-ing this week, ie. finishing up, so I won't get to walk with her again. Why is it, when I like a person or group I only walk with them once, when I struggle with a person or group, I walk with them again and again?!

Not Going to the Trail

I had a family vacation in Utah this last week so I didn't go out to the trail with the rest of my rotation group. It's funny: I came to ANASAZI with great apprehension and there have been a few weeks on the trail when all I wanted to do was go home. But not going out on the trail this last week was so hard. I went to the Wednesday morning training to say goodbye to those TWs who would finish and leave while I was on vacation. Seeing them all drive off and knowing some of the YWs they would be going to without me was really hard. That was one of the hardest things, right up there with saying goodbye to the mission and seeing them all carry on in the work without me.

Not a day passed this last week that I didn't think about the trail. The YoungWalkers out there, where they would all be, what they would be doing each day, e.g. - "Today's Thursday, they're hiking again." or "It's Sunday. I wonder if they're taking a layover day." I really miss the trail. I miss how simple things are out there, and how clear my role is. I loved the trail before, but I have never been more excited to get out there and Walk again.

Spending time with my family was great though. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed the vacation and we made some great memories. We stayed at Snowbird in the Cliff Lodge, went on the zip-line and alpine slide in Park City, got together with some old friends, ate lots of yummy food, played games and I coerced them into going hiking. We also started planning our next family hoorah and that was fun. I love my family and Anasazi is all about turning hearts homeward so it was great to be able to be with my family and experience that joy that we seek to instill in our YWs for their families.

Another Awesome Week

After the last couple weeks on the trail I feel like I could do this forever. This last week was so great! I was in an awesome band and things couldn't have gone better! There was adventure, struggle, growth and smiles; everything a TrailWalker could ask for rolled up into 8 days. In fact, leaving the trail on Wednesday was the hardest it's ever been.

It started off a little crazy. I had been hoping and almost planning to be put in Sinagua again and walk with my beloved SWs from last week. That morning, I had to really prepare myself for the fact that anything could happen and trust that wherever I was put, the Creator was in it and it would be for the best. When we got our assignments this faith was tested. I was put in Girls' Band again - with one YW in particular that I've walked with twice already and not really been able to connect with. Let me clarify that statement, she was a little bipolar with me; one second she would be upset that I made a suggestion to her and the next, she was wondering if I could walk with her for her Dawnstar week - I never really knew where I stood with her.

Anyway, I embraced the fact that this is where I would be (oh and I was walking with another TW that I walked with for the past two weeks, haha) and prepared for another crazy week on the trail. But, through a crazy little turn of events, I ended up being switched to the other Girls' Band (I'd heard great things about the girl in that band and was excited about the new possibilities, but a little whiplashed from the last minute change (it came when we were about to hike into our bands).

So, I found myself in a band with 3 TWs, 1 YW and the possibility of a RabbitStick (YW brand new to the program). Typically, with YWs the system seems to be: when you need it but don't want it, then you must stay; when you want it, but no longer need it, then you must go. The first girl in this band may be the exception to that. I had heard nothing but good things about her and they were all so true. She was only on her 2nd full week in the program but she seemed so much more experienced. Usually YWs are pretty angry or forlorn for the first couple weeks and it takes them a while to warm up to the program and get into the swing of things. She was so into it already. In fact, on Thursday or Saturday she was saying things like, "I never want to leave this place. I love it here so much."

On Thursday morning, we found out about Jerky Butte. This was a pretty tall mountain near the path we wanted to take to Final D, but the allure of it was the call of adventure - there are Native American ruins on top! So we hiked to a cow tank at the base of the butte and spent the night at one of the best spots ever. we found an open spot on top of a small mesa, where we could see the entire sky! I've never seen so many stars in my life. Then, the next morning, we got up, packed up, left our stuff on the mesa so we could hike fast and went up the butte. It was incredible! There were partial walls up there where you could see they had some small buildings of some sort, whether they were homes or places of worship they had definitely chosen a great spot. You could see forever up there. It was the tallest point for miles so you really felt like you were on top of the world. And - there was a cherry tree up there! So we sat on top of the world, eating cherries and enjoying the feeling of accomplishment at what we had just done.

*Note - we did have a minor accident climbing up. The YW felt really bad, but it wasn't her fault and it turned out just fine. The last part of the hike was rock climbing. I was too close behind her and she accidentally kicked a rather large rock loose that then hit me in the face, on the nose to be precise. My first thought was that I would have a broken nose or a concussion or something. But as it turned out, it was just a half-inch long cut and some bruising. Don't get me wrong it bled a lot, but of all the things that could/should have happened, we came out alright. It didn't even hurt much. In fact, the YW worried me more than my nose. She was so concerned and felt so bad about it, I kept telling her to stop worrying and that it was fine, but it was a day or two before she could laugh about it with the rest of us. I think it helped us become better friends in the end.

After our adventure - we got lost trying to find our mesa with our packs, but eventually got there and were able to make it to the meeting location for the new RabbitStick we were expecting. Surprise - there were actually 2 new RSs! This changed the dynamic for our band so much but it was an ok change. We were sad to see our Walkabout end with this stellar YW, but everything was in a good place to bring these new YWs into the program and give them a solid foundation for a great start here at Anasazi. They struggled for the first few days and did not like it here, but our girl kept encouraging them and helping them learn how to get into the spirit of the program and make the most of it.

When I left them on Wedneday, one of them was really struggling with homesickness still but with a little more time, she'll be alright. And the other girl had had a total change of heart. She was in it to win it. She had gotten some really great letters from home and was feeling the motivation to make this work. Seeing the light come to her eyes as she learned to make fire and began preparing for a new beginning in her life and with her family was the most beautiful thing. This program is becoming so real to me and right now, I can't imagine doing anything else. I've never had such a hard time coming off the trail and leaving my band behind. I know the other TWs will take good care of them, but I miss them and the awakenings that came from working with them. I love being a TrailWalker.