Birthday Trail

You know what I got for my birthday?
Bruises, I got tons of bruises all over my legs!

I guess that's the price of adventuring though. Particularly when your adventure involves scaling mountains and swimming up waterfalls. This last week on the trail was the craziest! (And the lead TrailWalker for my band has been here 9 months and she admits it was the craziest). If you can imagine it we did it. Tons of up and overs, a few swimmers (we really did have to climb a waterfall and it was ridiculous), rock climbing, hiking up dry ravines, drinking from cow tanks, etc.

The first couple days I was charged! I was feeling so good and ready to take on the world! The started to get a bit tired the day of the swimmers but bounced back and kept charging ahead. But by Sunday, I hit a wall. Suddenly, every step was the most laborious effort and all I could do was tell myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other. After taking a Wilderness First Aid class on Fri and Sat I learned about "hyponatremia" and I think that's what I had. I was drinking water like mad but it never seemed enough. I still always felt dehydrated. Now that I know what I'm dealing with, I know to keep a salty snack on me at all times and put some salt in my canteens whenever I fill up. It's funny, retaining water is such a bad thing when you're at home, but out there you really need to.

Anyway, this week was hard. I feel pretty safe saying it was the hardest thing I have ever done. Not that other things I've dealt with (college, mission, etc) weren't intensely difficult, but this was different. This was all around difficult. College was a test of my mental capacity. The mission pushed my spiritual and emotional limits. But this tested it all and all at once. I was physically exhausted in a way that I have never felt, it was like there wasn't an ounce of energy in my whole being. And while physically depleted the mental attack begins: what am I doing here? I'm not even contributing. Why am I putting myself through this?! I can't do this. And the emotional/spiritual battle, I'm here for these girls but I can't even help them like I'm supposed to. How can I help them learn and grow when I can't even move? Why am I so weak? Why is this happening to me? Where is the creator when I need him? Why is he not making this better so I can actually fulfill my purpose here?

Luckily, he carried my feet through and surrounded me with angels to help me. These angels didn't all come in at once but he brought them at just the right times. One of them was another TrailWalker. Just when I would be ready to give up and relent that I just couldn't do it, she would step in and give me the courage and hope to keep going. She probably doesn't realize just what a difference her little pep talks made and how much strength I gained from knowing she believed in me but she was the angel bearing me up from D&C 84:88

Another angel came when I got off the trail. This was my first week on the trail without her and yet, in a way, she was with me the whole time. We crossed paths a few times and each time was a glorious reunion! We also had very similar experiences this week and being able to talk about it afterwards with someone who understood was something I needed. She has a way of making things feel ok and showing that maybe I wasn't a total failure in my efforts on the trail. Granted I may not have made the kind of impact that I wanted but maybe my experiences and my hardships taught the girls in the way they needed most this week.

And the creator gave me an angel of a mentor. She said exactly what I needed to hear and because I respect her so much and I know her character, I know that it wasn't empty words to her. She knows the trail (the one in the mountains and the one in the heart) and when she says what I bring to the trail I know that she means it and that it's real.

One day I hope to be an angel to others the way these wonderful people have been to me but in the meantime, I am learning so much from my walking. It's interesting: before coming here, I seemed to have this arrogant idea that I would come here and help others learn from their experiences and their consequences without having to deal with the trials and consequences myself. Good thing the Lord is patient and lets us continue to grow.