Another Awesome Week

After the last couple weeks on the trail I feel like I could do this forever. This last week was so great! I was in an awesome band and things couldn't have gone better! There was adventure, struggle, growth and smiles; everything a TrailWalker could ask for rolled up into 8 days. In fact, leaving the trail on Wednesday was the hardest it's ever been.

It started off a little crazy. I had been hoping and almost planning to be put in Sinagua again and walk with my beloved SWs from last week. That morning, I had to really prepare myself for the fact that anything could happen and trust that wherever I was put, the Creator was in it and it would be for the best. When we got our assignments this faith was tested. I was put in Girls' Band again - with one YW in particular that I've walked with twice already and not really been able to connect with. Let me clarify that statement, she was a little bipolar with me; one second she would be upset that I made a suggestion to her and the next, she was wondering if I could walk with her for her Dawnstar week - I never really knew where I stood with her.

Anyway, I embraced the fact that this is where I would be (oh and I was walking with another TW that I walked with for the past two weeks, haha) and prepared for another crazy week on the trail. But, through a crazy little turn of events, I ended up being switched to the other Girls' Band (I'd heard great things about the girl in that band and was excited about the new possibilities, but a little whiplashed from the last minute change (it came when we were about to hike into our bands).

So, I found myself in a band with 3 TWs, 1 YW and the possibility of a RabbitStick (YW brand new to the program). Typically, with YWs the system seems to be: when you need it but don't want it, then you must stay; when you want it, but no longer need it, then you must go. The first girl in this band may be the exception to that. I had heard nothing but good things about her and they were all so true. She was only on her 2nd full week in the program but she seemed so much more experienced. Usually YWs are pretty angry or forlorn for the first couple weeks and it takes them a while to warm up to the program and get into the swing of things. She was so into it already. In fact, on Thursday or Saturday she was saying things like, "I never want to leave this place. I love it here so much."

On Thursday morning, we found out about Jerky Butte. This was a pretty tall mountain near the path we wanted to take to Final D, but the allure of it was the call of adventure - there are Native American ruins on top! So we hiked to a cow tank at the base of the butte and spent the night at one of the best spots ever. we found an open spot on top of a small mesa, where we could see the entire sky! I've never seen so many stars in my life. Then, the next morning, we got up, packed up, left our stuff on the mesa so we could hike fast and went up the butte. It was incredible! There were partial walls up there where you could see they had some small buildings of some sort, whether they were homes or places of worship they had definitely chosen a great spot. You could see forever up there. It was the tallest point for miles so you really felt like you were on top of the world. And - there was a cherry tree up there! So we sat on top of the world, eating cherries and enjoying the feeling of accomplishment at what we had just done.

*Note - we did have a minor accident climbing up. The YW felt really bad, but it wasn't her fault and it turned out just fine. The last part of the hike was rock climbing. I was too close behind her and she accidentally kicked a rather large rock loose that then hit me in the face, on the nose to be precise. My first thought was that I would have a broken nose or a concussion or something. But as it turned out, it was just a half-inch long cut and some bruising. Don't get me wrong it bled a lot, but of all the things that could/should have happened, we came out alright. It didn't even hurt much. In fact, the YW worried me more than my nose. She was so concerned and felt so bad about it, I kept telling her to stop worrying and that it was fine, but it was a day or two before she could laugh about it with the rest of us. I think it helped us become better friends in the end.

After our adventure - we got lost trying to find our mesa with our packs, but eventually got there and were able to make it to the meeting location for the new RabbitStick we were expecting. Surprise - there were actually 2 new RSs! This changed the dynamic for our band so much but it was an ok change. We were sad to see our Walkabout end with this stellar YW, but everything was in a good place to bring these new YWs into the program and give them a solid foundation for a great start here at Anasazi. They struggled for the first few days and did not like it here, but our girl kept encouraging them and helping them learn how to get into the spirit of the program and make the most of it.

When I left them on Wedneday, one of them was really struggling with homesickness still but with a little more time, she'll be alright. And the other girl had had a total change of heart. She was in it to win it. She had gotten some really great letters from home and was feeling the motivation to make this work. Seeing the light come to her eyes as she learned to make fire and began preparing for a new beginning in her life and with her family was the most beautiful thing. This program is becoming so real to me and right now, I can't imagine doing anything else. I've never had such a hard time coming off the trail and leaving my band behind. I know the other TWs will take good care of them, but I miss them and the awakenings that came from working with them. I love being a TrailWalker.

Figuring It Out

*This is an old one that I forgot to publish. I'll get caught up I promise.

7/24-7/31

After a week like 7/10-7/17, I was a little bit nervous about going back out and my ability to be an effective trailwalker. I know I can hike and take care of the YWs but I want to help them Walk Forward spiritually; I just didn’t feel like I did that last week and I wasn’t so sure I would be able to do that. Especially when I saw that I would be walking with one of the same TWs as last time. I like her and all, but we just didn’t click. And the other TW was someone from the other rotation that I didn’t know and didn’t know if I should be excited to walk with him or not.

I was excited to be with a new group this time – Sinagua! (18+) As we drove to the trail I kept questioning if I should be going out or not, but I knew I was needed and that I was where I was supposed to be. By the time I got to the band though I was feeling better. We started the week with two Sinagua Walkers a guy about 24 (who was on his last week) and a girl who is 19. Then we got a new friend when one of the boys turned 18 and stepped into our band from Boys’ Band, and on Friday we got another friend when a new guy (20) joined the program and came right to our band for RabbitStick.

Despite the fact that Sinagua hike REALLY fast (my short legs struggled to keep up) it was a great week! Everyone had an LDS background (although some don’t really want to go back to that), but it was nice being able to use the LDS language and discuss things on that level. I love the Anasazi language of spirituality, but there’s something even more powerful about straight LDS doctrine, so when you’re able to use that in the band it’s glorious! I had some really good sittings with several of the SWs and I grew a lot from the things we discussed. I grew especially close to the girl in the band. She has made some backwards walking choices and has consequently had a really rough life these last couple years. But, tapping into my missionary mode, I was able to testify of powerful truths and help her feel the strength of the Spirit again. “Can you just bottle up this feeling so I can have it again later when things get harder?” She has a rough road ahead of her, but I know the Lord is strengthening her to handle it well.

My greatest awakening this week came from a verse that I have read a thousand times. Ether 12:6 - "Faith is things which are hoped for and not seen." I often find myself thinking, I'll do X as long as I can see that it's doing some good. I'll put forth my best efforts as long as I know they are making a difference. But that's not faith. That's asking for a sign from God (bad idea). This week I learned that faith means you won't see it. You won't see the outcome, you won't have evidence that it's working. You just have to trust in God and find comfort in the fact that he's in charge. Do I worry about the Singagua and YoungWalkers I've walked with? Of course, but I know - deep down - that the Lord loves them more than I ever could and that he will not give up on them.

A New Kind of Hard

So, the last time I was on the trail it was an incredibly humbling experience physically speaking. I couldn't get hydrated and I was completely drained of energy by the end of the week. This time I was so strong physically, but there were emotional and spiritual trials to learn from.

Last Wednesday, as we were preparing to go out, I learned that I would be with girls band again. This meant walking with several of the girls I had walked with the week before. Normally, I would be excited to walk with YWs that I had walked with before, and I was a little bit. But the last time I walked with them I was not myself, and I was hoping for a new beginning this week. Then, when we arrived at ridge, (this is where we get organized before heading into the camp spots for the different bands) we learned that there were some issues in our band. One of the girls had cut herself and we had to watch her closely throughout the week to prevent any further self-harm. She hadn’t been feeling well the last couple weeks and had sat (and then been driven to Final D) but it was our job to get her to hike this week. This meant that she needed to actually eat, drink water, and walk forward. These are all things that you can’t force someone to do if they don’t want to and her at Anasazi we never force, only invite them to make a good choice and leave it up to them.

The week started pretty rough when she wasn’t feeling well and came to me to say she didn’t think she could hike. I was flattered by this trust, however, when we pow-wowed about it and talked to RidgeWalk and it was decided that we had to hike, guess who was the bad guy – yep, the one who she confided in but made her hike anyway: me (and the lead TrailWalker). Thus we spent a good chunk of the next week being more or less hated by this girl, and since she is pretty influential, when she was hating us, much of the band was upset with us too. There were a couple girls in the band that were ok with us, but they didn’t want to go against their friends, so they just didn’t participate in the complaining.

The incredible thing is: we did it. Somehow – thanks to our WindWalker, and much help from the Creator – we hiked all the way to Final D. Granted we may or may not have had to carry this YoungWalkers pack for a day or two of the hiking, but we only did it when we could tell that she wanted to Walk Forward but didn’t have the physical ability to do so. She walked the whole way though from start to finish, and seeing that, and being able to point out what she accomplished, was success for me and the other TWs.

There were a lot of experiences from the week, but the one that I want to expound on came as I was carrying this girl’s pack on top of my own. I had a lot of awakenings as I sought to serve this girl that was more upset with me than I’ve ever experienced. As I carried this girl’s burden, I couldn’t help but think of Jesus telling the Jews that “whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain (Matt. 5:41).” Feeling the weight of this girl’s pack on my shoulders, I began to understand why that would have been such an difficult concept for the Jews. I then thought of the ‘Secret of the Second Mile’

*For those of you unfamiliar with this concept here it is from a talk by Vaughn J. Featherstone: “In ancient … times, soldiers could [force] teen-age boys in Roman provinces to carry their heavy backpacks for one mile, but no more. In a typical scene, we would see a soldier walk into a community. A teen-age boy sees him and starts to run and hide. The boy knows that if the soldier has seen him that he will be caught and whipped for running. The soldier does see the boy and motions for him to come and pick up the heavy backpack. Reluctantly, the boy shoulders the heavy load. The soldier motions toward the road leading out of town, and together they trudge toward the first mile marker.

“When the marker comes into sight, the soldier motions for the boy to put the pack down. The boy instead agrees to carry the pack another mile. The soldier reminds him that only one mile is required. However, the boy agrees to go ’the second mile.’ As they continue down the road, the soldier begins to talk with the boy. He asks him if he has seen the mighty ocean. The boy replies ‘No,’ so the soldier gives descriptive accounts of his adventures on the high seas. The soldier then relates stories about military campaigns in distant countries and describes snow covered mountains, which the lad has never seen.

“The vivid accounts stir the imagination of the young lad as he hears the tales of the seas and of distant lands. The second mile goes quickly, and the boy discovers the secret of ‘going the second mile.’ You go the first mile and you discharge a duty; you go the second mile and you make a friend. The great men and women in history have been those willing to go the second mile.”

I’ve never had as much energy on the trail as I did when I was striving to prove my love to this girl as well as myself.  Also, as I carried her pack, she walked with me; these were the moments when I got to see her at her most real. We had some good discussions and I enjoyed the chance to talk to her and share real truths about her worth and her creator. (I think I’ll have to do another entry about lessons on the atonement from the trail.)

It was a hard week, but I learned so much and I'm so grateful for the growth that came from it. It was truly a refining fire.